Hello! The time has come, the new year has began, it is finally 2016. Is it just me or does it feel like 2015 went by in the blink of an eye? No matter what speed it seemed to go at, it’s over, donezo! For some reason, whenever the new year starts and an old one ends, I get a little sad. Maybe it’s just a form of nostalgia, nostalgia for something that happened a few months ago .. I’m not sure. But the other part of me is happy, because a new year usually means a new start for me. It’s chance to try new things that you haven’t tried before, and maybe fix things that you thought needed to be fixed. A new year ALSO means a giganto, crazy, messy batch of new movies! Earlier today I was looking over all the films that are coming in 2016 and basically what it came down to was; a fuckton of superhero movies (not really that surprising given the fact that Marvel has taken over the world), a fuckton of remakes, a fuckton of sequels, and a feeeww original pieces scattered in there. But before we really get into the upcoming adventures of next years cinematic experiences I think we should discuss the happenings of the film from what is now last year. I decided to start with my least favorite from the year because I thought, I’ll start with the bad news and end with the good news, that way we can leave 2015 on somewhat of a good note. And to be clear, some of these I really didn’t hate (even though this post has the words ‘absolute worst’ in it), some were just so damn disappointing or underwhelming I had to mention them! And before I keep mumbling on about everything and make a fool of myself I think we should just dive in to it! So here they are!!
8. Crimson Peak
I think a big thing that came out of 2015 movies was disappointment. Sure, there were some really big films that lived up to their expectations completely (hello, Force Awakens), but there were a good amount that were just kind of let downs, and for me Crimson Peak was one of those films. I’ll start by saying, I am aware that the marketing for this movie was complete shit. Whoever was hired to sell this movie should be fired because this was NOT a horror movie. If you walked into this movie with only seeing the trailer and hearing nothing else about it, I can completely relate to the idea of disappointment. But in my case, I was disappointed for different reasons.
I actually ended up liking the scenes in the giant house where our main character was trying to solve this mysterious case. Was the “twist” of the film obvious? Yes, but I didn’t mind seeing it coming. It was more the bookends of the film that didn’t work for me. Starting with the first chunk of the film, not only was the main character a snoozer but I just didn’t care. Mia Wasikowska has her moments and she’s far from being a bad actress (I think if she was closer to her role in Stoker than I would’ve liked her more in this), but this was just not her film. For a while it seems like the film was trying to make her a strong female character, but she never really does anything, most of the movie she’s in giant puffy sleeves talking about ghosts, and I think it definitely bogged the film down. I know that everyone likes to say that Tom Hiddleston was the best part of the film, but I have to disagree! For me, Jessica Chastain stole the show as Lucille. It might’ve just been the fact that she was so entertaining to watch and she completely hammed up the performance (it felt a little Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest, which is far from a bad thing). Even though I didn’t particularly enjoy the last 20 or 30 minutes of the film I thought she just kept getting better and better.
Overall, I know that some people really did enjoy this, and that’s fine! I can totally understand. It’s a gorgeous film, and at times it’s interesting to watch, but in the end I was majorly disappointed and wanted something that was missing from the film.
7. The Overnight
Ever since Parks & Recreation, I have sort of fallen in love with Adam Scott. He was the perfect companion to Amy Poehler’s Leslie in the show and he just made me happy to watch ever since. Does he tend to play the same kind of role in some of his films, sure, but I still enjoy watching him. I really enjoyed him (especially when he was naked with a really fake prosthetic and making out with Jason Schwartzman), in The Overnight, and when I say that I don’t mean I enjoyed the movie. I was actually looking forward to this movie when I saw trailers and posters, it seemed fun and intriguing. But for some reason, when it came to the final product I just wasn’t into it. Most of the movie either made me annoyed by the random choices that the characters made, or I just didn’t understand why any of what was happening was happening. All of the performances were wonderful, Taylor Schilling is always adorable, Jason Schwartzman is a hoot, Judith Godreche is a fun mix for the film, but I think it was just the story. Most of the film ends up being this situation where Jason Schwarzman and Judith Godreche are this kind of wacko couple with a kid and they’re supposed to be edgy, where as Taylor Schilling and Adam Scott are the “normal” ones, it was just a tad predictable and I felt like there could’ve been more to it. The good thing is that this movie didn’t make me dislike Adam Scott anymore and it actually made me think of all the other fun roles he’s had, so there’s a plus to watching this!! I would say if you want a really good movie with Adam Scott maybe try either Step Brothers for a comedy or The Vicious Kind for a really good drama, but I would suggest to maybe skip over The Overnight.
6. It Follows
In a way, it pains me to have to put It Follows on this list. I know that this might be a surprising choice for this list, and in the end, I was shocked too. When It Follows started I had fresh eyes, didn’t know a whole bunch about it, and was ready to love it and be impressed. I can say that I was enjoying it for maybe the first half hour, but once it got to a certain point it just kind of felt like it was dragging. And let me just say, I’m not usually that kind of movie watcher that complains about pacing, if a film has a slow pace that’s fine! Just as long as the plot feels like it’s going somewhere. That’s where It Follows went wrong for me. I felt like once this thing had attached onto our main character, it was interesting and I was curious to see what they would do with this mysterious unseeable creature. But it felt like it ran out of steam after so long. The reason why it pains me to not like this film is because usually I love a good 80’s throwback (even if this one isn’t very specific about what the time period is), and I love an atmospheric horror flick. Another thing I want to touch on is the scares. For being a horror film, I didn’t find it scary really at all. I could tell when you were supposed to be scared throughout the film in specific scenes, but it just didn’t work. Maybe it was the hype that ruined it for me, maybe it was too good to be true. And again, like The Overnight, I enjoyed all the actors in this thing, ESPECIALLY Maika Monroe (she was killer as the leading force behind 2014’s amazing thriller The Guest), but in the end there wasn’t enough substance in the plot that worked for me, and I unfortunately have to put it as one of my least favorites of the year.
5. Pitch Perfect 2
Talk about disappointment! I actually don’t really know what I expected with this. I guess since I was surprised by how much I enjoyed Pitch Perfect I thought that maybe this would be another surprise, but unfortunately it wasn’t. It’s weird because I didn’t really have high hopes for this, I didn’t expect it to be amazing, but I expected to be entertained and to laugh. But when only about 20% of your laughs work, there’s a problem. Maybe it was the fact that Elizabeth Banks directed (whom I thought would make an even better movie), or just that it’s basically a repetition of the original, which is the ultimate downside for a sequel. Another thing was the musical choices, they were mostly just forgettable songs and didn’t seem to bring the sense of fun that the original had. And surprisingly, Hailee Steinfeld couldn’t even save this movie! She actually seemed to bring down the film even more with forced awkwardness and jokes that did not seem to land. I wish I could say I enjoyed this, but once the credits started to roll I felt as if it could’ve been better.
4. Love the Coopers
Once again, I don’t know what was going through my head when I thought that this could possibly be a good movie. It could’ve been the cast (Diane Keaton! Olivia Wilde! Marisa Tomei! Alex Borstein randomly but welcomely shows up), but it was most likely the fact that I was in the mood for a Christmas movie, and I was with my friend so we were just going to have a good time. Now, this is from some of the same people that brought the world The Family Stone, which I actually liked (and I’m aware it has it’s haters, I can see why honestly). The more I think about Love the Coopers, it’s actually quite similar to The Family Stone, in the sense that there’s a big family, Diane Keaton is the head of the house (and complaining about her life, which I don’t mind at ALL), and they all have problems. While I enjoyed The Family Stone (maybe because I love a good Rachel McAdams snarl), this was just such a floozy. Not only was it a huge downer of a Christmas movie (I mean cmon, I get it, everyone has problems no matter the holiday .. but it’s CHRISTMAS!!), but I didn’t give two shits about any of these characters. Most of the problems that these characters had just felt like rich white people problems, and there’s a way you can portray a character, or in this case a family of characters, so they don’t come off as snobbish, but it just didn’t happen here. I love Diane Keaton to death and will always enjoy her performances but even she couldn’t do anything to save this! The film is sort of split up into a bunch of different stories (kind of like those shitty Valentines Day / New Years Eve movies), with each family member and the only character that really peaked my interest was Olivia Wilde’s, but even her character gets annoying after so long. There’s just too much strange editing (seriously though, there are like 3 different scenes where people explode into ice … ???), annoying characters, and boring story lines for anyone to have to sit through this.
3. We Are Your Friends
If you thought Love the Coopers had annoying characters think again! The four best friends who are basically the main characters in this movie are so annoying I wanted to walk out of this movie so bad! We’ll start with Zac Efron, yes he is beautiful to look at, but I don’t know what it is, sometimes he can bother me. He’s not a bad actor in any sense, I think you just have those actors that you kind of like but they can get on your nerves. Efron did that in this movie, maybe it was the fact that his character is just so boring and plain that I didn’t care what happened to him. Even worse than him is the character of Mason played by Jonny Weston. The script just makes him the stereotypical dick best friend that gets angry at everything and gets in fights with everyone. There are maybe one or two scenes in the film that worked for me. A good example would be the scene where Efron’s character is explaining the heartbeats of his audience and how to control the music and get them hooked. And every now and then there’s some cool editing (even if they needed to calm down with all the words on the screen), but even those few things couldn’t save the entirety of We Are Your Friends for me. You can tell that there was some craft and heart probably put into this movie but in the end, it just feels lazy and I really didn’t care.
2. Knock Knock
I was REALLY close to putting The Green Inferno on this list because it’s the second film to come from Eli Roth this year and it was also pretty bad, but then I remembered Knock Knock and I couldn’t not put it on here! While Green Inferno was bad, it was nowhere near as annoying as this was. I’ll admit that some of it is fun in the beginning with Keanu Reeves being all weird like he does, and the two girls playing with him a bit, but after a big happening occurs in the film there’s this shift where the two girls in the film become almost like children and it makes everything almost unbearable to watch. Eli Roth has always been a strange filmmaker to me because I’ve never really loved anything he’s come out with. The Hostel movies were torture porn that I never really enjoyed, Cabin Fever was alright, but I’ve never really seen any true talent there. It seems like lately he’s been put on a higher pedestal and I don’t understand why! Knock Knock basically ends up being a lot of bad acting covered in some nice looking cinematography and I would try to avoid it at all costs!
1. Fifty Shades of Grey
Everything about this movie (or trilogy if you wanna go there), was doomed from the start. There is NO way you could’ve made anyone respect Fifty Shades of Grey, even when I hear the name I think of sex, and not really in a good way. I have no judgments on BDSM, if that’s what you like, go for it! But this movie makes it look like the most boring act ever! The sex elements were the most disappointing parts of the film, and when the only thing a movie has going for it isn’t even good .. then what’s the point? There was not one point in this film that I was attracted to either of these people. I am attracted to men, and Jamie Dormer (whom I’ve heard can actually act), is so wooden in this film it’s hard to be convinced that he has hardcore sex with whips in a red room. This film made a lot of money, not surprisingly, because a lot of people loved these books. I, shamelessly, have read the first book that this film is adapted from, and it is not good! But really, what’s new? So going into this, I really was hoping for just a really bad movie with sex, but I didn’t expect it to be so boring. Dakota Johnson is probably the best part of the whole ordeal. She can act and you can kind of see that here, but really there’s nothing that can save this. I gave this my #1 slot on the list because I felt that it deserved to be shamed. We DID NOT need this movie! Again, what’s new. I guess this is really just a cautionary tale so people don’t have to suffer like I did in this. Let’s just hope no one else will want to make the other two books into movies, even though they’ve probably already started.
You made it! It’s over! We’re done! I know, that was tough. But if you did read the whole thing, thank you and I hope you liked it. I realize this list is a little late, I did want it to come out earlier but a lot of things got in the way and I’m sorry! But nonetheless, it’s still here! And we’re not done yet! There’s still the best films of 2015! That should be coming out in the next few days, I’m hoping by tomorrow but it could be this weekend so just keep looking! And while you’re at it make sure to check out my Instagram and Twitter (which I just made today), for updates and fun stuff! Thanks for reading and have a good rest of your week!