I am aware that we are well into 2017 at this point and that people usually will post these kind of lists either in the last few days of December or the first few days of January, but I just don’t roll that way. Yes, it is January 23rd and I am finally bringing to you my worst of list from 2016, what a joy! 2016 was an interesting year for movies because there was a sizeable chunk of pretty great movies and another sizeable chunk of just alright movies. Then there’s a whole other section with all the shit from 2016, and there is a good amount, as always. 2016 has probably been the best year for me as a movie goer in the sense that I actually went and saw a lot of them! Usually I’ll ignore a lot of the ones that I don’t care about or just haven’t been hyped for, but this year I went out of my comfort zone (for better and for worse), and watched a plethora of different things. Like I mentioned above, some were great, some were just alright and some were real stinkers. Today I’m here to talk about the stinkers, the ones that made me realize not everyone cares about making actual good movies and that some people just want money. So before I ramble anymore about the shit that has come out of 2016, let’s get to this list already!
10. Hell or High Water
I know, you’re probably thinking that this was accidentally put onto the wrong list because everyone loved this movie, but in fact you are wrong, this movie was put on here very much with my knowing. This is one of those movies that everyone (and I mean everyone), loved with a passion and I just did not get anything out of it. I think at the end of the day it’s just not a movie for me, I didn’t get the appeal and I didn’t get the hype. I do think it’s a beautifully shot movie and a beautifully acted movie (although I’m not sure how much more of Jeff Bridges’ mumble acting I can take), and I do get why people love it. It’s possible that hype killed this movie for me too, as it does for so many. Everyone I know that saw it told me it was this amazing thing and that I’ll love it, therefore I built it up in my head and I was let down spectacularly. So really I’m not saying this is a bad movie at all, because it isn’t, I’m just saying I couldn’t find anything to love about it, hence it making this list.
9. Little Men
Here we have another movie that was adored by everyone that saw it, except me of course. While I can admit that Hell or High Water is a legitimately good movie and has noteable things about it, I honestly really just don’t think this is that good of a movie. You can call me crazy or whatever, but I found this movie to be painfully dull. There’s a few scenes here and there with our two lead kids that are somewhat enjoyable but I couldn’t find a thing about this movie that really stood out to me or spoke to me. The story also just feels so recycled with the two kids becoming friends but their parents get in a fight which leads to them not letting the boys see each other, I saw it all coming. I may be alone again on this one, but I think Little Men is an indie drama that most will forget about a day or two after they see it.
I should really love this movie for the fact alone that it has Allison Janney and Ellen Page in a movie again, but oh man this one is no good. Granted, it’s not so bad I want to turn it off immediately (which is why it’s so low on the list), but it’s just such a pointless and forgettable movie that there’s no use to even try and watch it. I don’t think it’s the worst plot of a movie, it’s somewhat unique and has unexpected actions, but there’s nothing that sticks out about this movie, nothing memorable. And while I did say that it’s somewhat unique it also has it’s generic cliches, girl’s boyfriend leaves her, she seeks out the boyfriend’s mom to get help and to bond with her …but the the worst of all is the trope of the “liar revealed” plot device, which if you know me is a personal dealbreaker. If you couldn’t tell from the name, a “liar revealed” is when a certain character lies to another pivotal character somewhere in the span of the film and eventually in one way or another that lie is revealed to our character that has been lied to and there’s a big dramatic scene that usually involves yelling or crying. And while Tallulah doesn’t have a “liar reveal” element to the likes of an Adam Sandler movie, it’s still there and used as a plot device in what I think is a lazy way. I don’t think I would suggest this one to many people, even ones who are fans of Janney or Page, I’d say you would be better off just re watching Juno.
7. The Jungle Book
I should’ve made a separate part of this list just called “overrated” because I’m realizing now that I have a lot of movies on this list that were acclaimed by pretty much everyone but myself. It probably doesn’t help that I used to watch the original animated Disney film all the time when I was younger and will judge any other version from that one, but then again that shouldn’t matter if the movie was going to try to stand on it’s own. Again, like Hell or High Water, I think that it’s possible hype could’ve killed this one for me a little bit. Before I actually decided to sit down and watch it everyone was telling me it was so great and visually was stunning, but I just didn’t see it. Visually, sure it’s pretty great for the most part (there were a couple of scenes that I thought looked a little questionable), it’s truly amazing to think about the fact that literally everything in the movie, besides the boy, was made on a computer. But other than that the only thing that I found appealing about this movie and actually different than any of the other adaptations was Bill Murray. I thought he was the one that brought the most life to his character and was actually memorable. As far as the rest of the star studded voice cast goes, they’re alright but I didn’t love any of them or think they were amazing, Scar Jo is nice as the hypnotizing snake, Kaa, in her 5 minute scene and Ben Kingsley is always soothing to listen to, but there’s nothing to really write home about. My biggest problem with this movie is my problem with a lot of these Disney live action remakes (especially with something like Maleficent), what is the point? About halfway through this movie I was starting to get distracted because all I could think about was the fact that this whole movie is basically animated and so why even make this movie when there’s already an animated version that is much better? Clearly, I just did not enjoy this one, you can say I’m heartless but it’s a no go for me.
6. The Forest
Poor Natalie Dormer, you deserved so much better than this. A horror movie released in January is always kind of bound to be shitty, but I always try to go in with high hopes, especially with ones like The Forest, that seem to have something interesting going for them. But by this stage in my life, I should know better because The Forest is as generic and cliche as a horror movie can get. Natalie Dormer is nice to look at and there’s no denying that she can act (doing the best that she can in this), but there’s just not much to this movie, the forest that we’re hauled into for most of the movie is something to look at (funnily enough is the second movie with the suicide forest in 2016 with Sea of Trees), but as far as our story goes, it’s pretty boring and for the most part predictable. This movie is also filled to the brim with endless jump scares that lead to nothing and stupid decisions. I completely forgot this movie was released in 2016 until I looked it up and most of the world probably doesn’t even know what this movie is or also forgot about it completely.
5. Suicide Squad
I’m just gonna say it, this movie is really fucking stupid. As you’re gonna see with some of the remaining films on this list, I am sick of all these superhero movies. There was a simpler time when there were really only a few superhero movies every few years, think Iron Man or even before that with a really great Batman movie or a so-so Superman movie, either way there were less of them and they were easier to handle. Over the past few years or so it seems as though all we have are these big Marvel/DC comic book movies that get endless sequels and are all built up into these giant universes. I’ll admit, after the first few big Marvel movies (like Iron Man and Captain America) had come out and it was said that every movie would be connected and eventually they would join together in movies (hello Avengers), it sounded really cool and I was actually all in. But now once we’ve gotten some of this big universe and we’re right in the middle of it and more and more of these things are being released a sour taste is left in my mouth for some reason. There’s no denying that Marvel has perfected this formula at this point and that DC is trying to get that formula down but hasn’t quite gotten there yet. Suicide Squad is part of that DC family and it’s just a mess. Not to mention that these characters aren’t really fleshed out with anything other than a specific song choice (generally having something to do with their name or who they are), and a cool looking title card. So we’re left with these characters we don’t know much about or really care about for 2 hours and it makes for a grating watch. To it’s credit, it does try to have fun with what it has and is more exciting than some other certain DC movies that came out this year, but it isn’t done nearly well enough to be any good. Jared Leto was advertised like crazy for this movie and he’s only in it for a good 3 or 4 scenes. His performance is a copy of Jack Nicholson’s Joker and some whiny rich boy villain and it results in a mediocre performance, which is kind of surprising seeing that I know Leto is a legitimately good actor. I’d say the two highlights of this movie are Margot Robbie and Will Smith because you can tell that they’re both (especially Robbie), having a good time making this movie regardless of it’s quality. And I’ll just say that I am a little excited for the Harley solo movie just to see more of Robbie having a good time and really fleshing out the character way more than this movie did. Let’s just hope we get a better team behind it this time.
4. Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice
Suicide Squad may have been a shitty mess but at least it had a little glimmer of fun in it, this has none of that. I can’t say I was excited about this at all really but I was a little curious of what it would turn out to be like. I should’ve expected what I got because it was exactly what you’d think a Batman/Superman movie directed by Zac Snyder would be like. It’s dark (literally), emotionless and even kind of boring. I’m not really sure why I watched this, because I could give less of a fuck what Batman and Superman thought about each other, maybe it was in hopes to see them look hot? Who knows. I don’t have much to say about this one other than, it’s not very good and maybe just avoid it all together.
3. Independence Day: Resurgence
Another trend that seemed to come about in 2016 was the idea of taking movies from the 90s (or early 2000s) that made a lot of money and making pointless sequels out of them. Independence Day: Resurgence is the perfect example of that trend, it’s pointless and it’s stupid. Look, I’m sure there were a lot of people who really enjoyed this movie for what it was, and I respect that, but I’m not one of those people. Like The Jungle Book, I kept thinking to myself while watching “why does this exist?”. Someone out there in the world thought it was a good idea to add a second part to the story of Independence Day but without Will Smith and without what made the original movie so appealing. When the original Independence Day came out it had groundbreaking effects, it looked like the white house was really being blown up, but this one doesn’t have that and it’s bland. End of story, goodbye.
2. Me Before You
If you’ve read my review of this from last year when it came out, then you know how I feel about this one. Man, the actors from Game of Thrones just can’t get a break! With Emilia Clarke in this and Natalie Dormer in The Forest, maybe Game of Thrones is cursed for anyone trying to do movies, I don’t know. It surprised me too that Emilia Clarke decided to be in this due to the fact that she plays a strong, fierce leader in Game of Thrones and in this she’s a useless nothing that sort of just gets used and then left behind by the end (but oh no it’s okay because cheesy movie endings). And yeah, let’s talk about how our leading guy is kind of an asshole. Spoiler alert, he decided to fall for Emilia Clarke but then kind of just decides life isn’t worth it so he’s gonna decide to die anyway. It’s as cliche as a movie can get and hits every note you think it’s going to hit, has all the montages you think it’s going to have, Emilia Clarke’s eyebrows have a life of their own for some reason and her face never stops moving. It’s all just a huge mess that I would avoid altogether if I were you.
1. The Choice
I know what you’re thinking, what could be worse than what I just said about the previous movie? Well, there’s always Nicholas Sparks to help with that. The tagline for this movie should’ve been “even Safe Haven wasn’t this bad” because my fucking god this has to be the worst of the Nicholas Sparks lot. I would watch The Last Song or Nights In Rodanthe 100 times each before having to watch this by the numbers snoozefest again. I’ll just start with the thing that bugged me the most about this whole experience, the fact that our main guy, the one we’re supposed to feel and root for, is a complete asshole and kind of just gets away with it. I knew from the first scene with him that I was going to hate him throughout and the movie didn’t let me down. The story isn’t worth mentioning because it’s laughably familiar and I get bored even trying to type it out. As expected with these movies that seem to come out every year (when are people going to run out of Nicholas Sparks books to adapt, seriously did he write that many?), and every time they seem to get worse and worse. Of all the ones I’ve seen/tolerated, this one has by far been the worst. And that is why this has made the #1 spot for the worst of 2016, it wholly deserved it and i wouldn’t put anything else in it’s place.
That’s about it for my worst of 2016! Hope you enjoyed it and thought it was readable (if not I am so sorry and don’t know why you came in the first place), and make sure to look out for the best of 2016 coming in the next few days!